Transformation: Making Your Life Work

Part Two of a series of articles looking at Prison Reform

Transformation: Making Your Life Work

My name is John Valverde and I served 16 years in prison. During that time people helped me, supported me and I was able to transform every area of my life by facing my guilt honestly, owning my 100% responsibility for my wrong, and committing myself to being life-giving in all I did. As a result, I re-entered society 1 year ago a transformed person full of possibility and potential, but also a good deal of fear.

Albert Einstein said:
“A human being is part of the whole, called by us ‘universe,’ a part in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest—a kind of delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a prison for us. Our task must be to free ourselves from the prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

We must be compassionate to experience the truth that we are all one. How can we apply this? And how does this relate to transformation? To lead a truly transformed life and truly make your life work, you must have compassion for yourself and others. For it is not enough to make your life work—you must also assume responsibility for helping others make their lives work as well. We are all connected and our individual actions really do impact the whole.

John Heider wrote an adaptation of the Tao Te Ching that reads:

“If your life works, you influence your family. If your family works, your family influences the community. If your community works, your community influences the nation. If your nation works, your nation influences the world. If your world works, the ripple effect spreads throughout the cosmos.”

These concepts of making your life work and oneness are what transformation is all about. Just as Jesus healed the blind, we too must see with new eyes, with compassion, and see that we are all one. For it is not enough for persons to transform their lives only to return to a world that will reject them.

In December of last year I attended a 3 day self-empowerment seminar in NYC. It was the first time I stepped out of my comfort zone of family and friends since my release from prison that April. It was my intention to begin to face the world without hiding my past, because I knew the hiding was limiting my life.

On the first day, the seminar leader used several crime references like: If you don’t set boundaries for your children, you are turning them into criminals and if you don’t exercise your full potential you might as well be in prison for the rest of your life. Every such reference resulted in the chuckles, gasps, sighs of disgust and the judgment of the 170 participants. Even though no one knew me and about my past, I felt dehumanized and personally attacked. Quickly, I began to think that perhaps this was not the safest place to open up.

Then, on the morning of the second day, the seminar leader spoke about fear and how it can make a person return to prison. He said that a certain state prison system had a recidivism rate of 85% (most states are between 60 and 80 percent). He explained that was the rate at which people committed new crimes after being released from prison. 8.5 out of every 10 people were coming back to prison. This resulted in more chuckles, gasps, sighs of disgust and judgment from the audience. In an effort to address this problem, the organization running the seminar was asked to go into the prison system to find out why it was happening. Asking people who had returned to prison WHY they had returned, over and over they heard: I WAS MORE AFRAID OF PEOPLE IN SOCIETY THAN I WAS OF BEING IN PRISON. The seminar leader then made a joke. He said, “Of course! Three meals a day, a place to sleep, no bills and they even get conjugal visits from time to time.” More chuckles, gasps, sighs of disgust and judgment… And I felt like the lowest person on earth.

But it also triggered something in me to stand up and represent that there are many people in prison who have dedicated themselves to making their lives work. Call it God’s nudge, or courage, or perhaps foolishness, but I felt the need to speak. So when the seminar leader asked people to come up to the microphone to complete the sentence: I AM AFRAID OF…

I stood up. People before me finished the sentence by saying they were afraid of their boss, failure and smoking. Then I got up to the microphone and said, “I am afraid of all of you.”

“I am afraid that you will judge me, fear me, reject me and even hate me if you know my past.” I was amazed, as people started to break down in tears. It was a room full of successful professionals and they apparently also had a fear of rejection. I then shared my story of what had happened to me all those years ago and my remorse for it and asked the 170 people there to have compassion, give me a chance and help me make my life work because I did not want to live in fear of society’s judgment anymore.

I feel blessed to share that the response I received was overwhelmingly positive with people sharing their own dark pasts and fears and their desire for compassion and forgiveness. Others told me that they had often considered volunteering in a prison and that now they would. Even a former prosecutor from the Bronx asked me to help her start an organization that would help men and women recently released from prison find jobs. My life has changed completely since that day because I shared my transformation and commitment to making my life work and asked others to support me.

Because as usual, God says it best, I was inspired to put together the following adaptation from three Bible readings:
If people repent with all their heart and soul, grant them compassion, forgiveness and support. 1 Kings 8.46-53 For God has called us to love one another as God loves us and help each other bear fruit—fruit that will last. John 15.7-17 So do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds and see that we are all one. Romans 12.1-12.8

My name is John Valverde. I served 16 years in prison. I have transformed my life and am committed to making my life work. I did not reach this point alone. Please remember that we are all one and we are all called to make our lives work and help others do the same. By doing so, we can make our world work and the ripple effect will spread throughout the cosmos.

Prison Reform

Christ talked of the poor, the imprisoned, and the oppressed among those disenfranchised from the “kingdom of this world.” As Christians, we are called to see the face of Christ in all we meet, to strive for justice in the command of the prophet Micah, and to be disciples of change for those least able to advocate for themselves.


The United States had 5% of the world’s total population, yet 25% of the world’s incarcerated population. Today, one out of every 99 Americans is in a state or federal penitentiary; tragically, we have a greater percentage of our population jailed (disproportionately greater among persons of color) than any nation on earth. The cost of $37,000 per year to incarcerate a person, the devastating impact to children of the incarcerated, and the inevitable parole of inmates and high rate of recidivism (average 66%) calls us to witness as to the need to transform our penal institutions.


Below, you will hear voices, who speak of that need from personal experience, trauma or concern.


Voices:
“Welcome Back, to that Same Old Place that You Laughed About – John Sebastian”
An article by Evan Missula, a former Employee of Exodus Transitional Community, a prison reentry program, which is located in Spanish Harlem, New York City.


Transformation: Making Your Life Work
An article by John Valverde


Links of interest:
TAPPED BLOG: “THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE ACT OF 2009″
The Group Blog of the American Prospect (www.prospect.org)

“Welcome Back, to that Same Old Place that You Laughed About – John Sebastian”

Part One of a series of articles looking at Prison Reform

“Welcome Back, to that Same Old Place that You Laughed About – John Sebastian”
After having been convicted of 1 count of mail fraud, I left prison three times. On May 29, 2008, I left the Satellite Camp at Otisville; On July 17, 2008, I signed out of the Brooklyn Federal Halfway House; and on November 1, 2008, at the direction of my PO I cut the band on my electronic monitoring device. Each time I resolved to communicate to the world what was so very wrong with the system I saw operating behind those gates and to work hard to fix it. For what it is worth, it was the first time in my life I was on a mission not for personal success but to change the world. One obvious contradiction, is that I am gearing up to tell you, the reader, how barbaric, wasteful and cruel, I think the American Penal System has become while at the same time admitting that I learned (and in many ways gained) a tremendous amount from the experience.

Crime, Conviction, Prosecution and Imprisonment are all fundamentally about failure. For me it was a failure to be able to support a wife and three children. In 2000, my income and my assets took a precipitous fall. I had not attended to and did not value a support network. I was not involved in my community. Charity work was for ladies who lunch and donations for showoffs at Black Tie events. I drifted from my friends. Between work and family, I just could not find time. For myself and many Urban Professionals, my self worth was my work and checkbook. When that evaporated, so did my self esteem and happiness. I desperately tried to hang on to my lifestyle and a chance to recapture my wealth. I stole money from a partnership, I controlled. I wanted to pay it back but I was not authorized under the terms of the Partnership to do what I did.

Needless to say, like many others, I was caught. I lost my home, wife, children and went to Prison. I happened at a glacial, excruciating pace. I went to live with my parents. I began seeing a psychologist at SUNY Stony Brook. (It was free). I needed to prepare for my incarceration. I was scared. How was prison going to change me? Would I be safe? What could I do for the people I let down? What was I going to do with the rest of my life? I resolved to study and get healthy. I love math and I had too long comforted my feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness with food.

My parents drove me to prison on January 9, 2007. I mailed five books (all math and physics) to myself from the post office at Otisville. I was given the standard issue cavity search. There is no way to have this done and maintain any dignity. I was not allowed to bring in legal papers that I should have been allowed to bring in. You learn quickly that many in the administration want to create the illusion that they are bound by no rules at all. You are told repeatedly that you are property and that you have no rights. I can not count the number of times in the first week, “You go in alone, and you come out alone.” It was January and the average temperature was in the teens. I was given only boat shoes. They are the consistency of hotel slippers in January in the Adirondacks. I was in constant pain from a childhood lawnmower injury to my foot. I was given no blanket and just a cotton sheet. I had no toothpaste, no razor, and no shampoo. A guard came by to rattle the cell I was filling out paperwork in. It was designed to be as terrifying as possible.

I went to the camp and started to meet my fellow inmates. They were largely poor, uneducated and guilty of supplying the same drugs (marijuana and cocaine) that I knew that the police, prosecutors and judges had used in college, if not now. I say this as someone who has never used any of it. I was lucky enough to be appointed the GED “teacher.” There was no full time education staff for “the Camp.” I was horrified that grown men could not add, subtract, multiply and divide, or for that matter read (in either English or Spanish). As my terror began to diminish and I took greater notice of my surroundings, I saw that most of the time was spent by inmates playing cards or watching TV. There was no functioning library. No computers or access to the internet. All post secondary education had ended on 1995 with the passage of the Zimmer Amendment.

We were limited to five books and depending on which guard was enforcing the rules no where to read them. The baffling conditions resulted from a fundamental assumption that we were unredeemable. In her excellent book, Cruel and Unusual: The Culture of Punishment in America, Dr. Anne-Marie Cusac, explains that this debate over what to do with prisoners is old as the prison system itself. I was not aware of her book then, or the large body of work that many authors had done on the prison system, including Todd Clear, Jeremy Travis, Margret Leland Smith, Dan Nagin, Alfred Blumstien, Jeff Mellow, John Rawls and Michael Picault and many others of which I am still ignorant.

I just could not stand the idea of wasting so much time and money. I organized a tutoring program and classes. I did what I could to humanize the place. I tutored anyone who was interested in Mathematics and Reading. I never felt that I was unredeemable and I don’t believe that most of the people I served with were either. I could not believe both the casual cruelty and corruption that many, not all, of the guards and administration displayed. One of my students, Steven Dejesus, a diabetic, was killed by medical neglect. We were told that we could never “associate” with each other again or we would be incarcerated for violating the terms of our Supervised Release (The Federal Version of Parole).

Well after a few false starts, I am already at double the length of the essay I was asked for, I made it to Exodus. I found a community of formerly incarcerated individuals trying to make their way back. I was better educated but now poorer than most. They helped me get clothes and a job. They connected me with volunteer opportunities. I found ways to get involved politically. I am involved with the Prison Education Initiative, the Drop the Rock Campaign, The Coalition for Fair Criminal Justice Policies, The Prison Action Network, the National Action Network and the Abyssinian Baptist Church Prisoner Life Coaching Project. I later took a job with Exodus as a job developer helping to connect other formerly incarcerated individuals with employment. I was able to get a second job as a Research Assistant and Statistics Tutor at CUNY John Jay. I have helped over 40 ex-offenders get jobs during this economic crisis.

In April, I was accepted to the PhD program in Criminal Justice at CUNY John Jay. I want to expand the opportunities for people to regain their lives and reserve prison for only the most dangerous amongst us. The criminal justice system offers society an opportunity to interrupt anti-social and self-destructive behavior. We can do that without being cruel. If we are smart, we can also save a tremendous number of lives and a fortune of money.

- Evan Missula